8.21.2012

Saying goodbye.


My life is about to change in so many incredible ways, but sometimes I'm stuck with some not so welcome emotions.
Sadness. Fear. Nostalgia. 
By no means am I second guessing my relationship with Dom or my choice to move.  I know that my life will be so blessed with love and happiness, but moving back home has reminded me of all the people and love that got me where I am today.  It scares me to leave that behind.  This feels so different from college.  Even though I moved 6 hours south to D.C. my home was still my home.  I was just moving for a few months at a time and then I would be home.  

Now, I'm creating a new home.  A new life.  My home will be in Florida, not New York.
My parents won't be in driving distance away if I have a crisis.  It will be a plane ride. Dom and I will be depending on each other completely, heart and soul.
My mom is my best friend and I worry being apart will separate us.  I know we will call and skype and facebook, but somehow this feels so final and it scares me. 

I think this is part of growing up and it is a good thing.  I am still very much in denial and just focusing on the good (which it mostly is).  My parents are throwing a going away party on Thursday, and I am just thinking of it as one more time I get to see everyone I love.  If I think of it as saying goodbye I would lose my mind. 

I prefer to avoid goodbyes.  Besides my best friends, I left college without saying goodbyes.  After graduation I just left, because it was easier.  I prefer to think of it as a "see ya later."  Goodbye is just too much.  It's too final.  

My best friend is planning her wedding.  I am so blessed to be a bridesmaid, but it makes me sad I'm not going to be right there for every single step.  Thankfully, she made a blog and I'm forcing her to do Wedding Wednesdays to keep me in the loop

 I know in my heart things will be different but not in a bad way.  It is just scary.

I like to talk to people about when they are going to visit, since we have 3 bedrooms and no friends.  If I know when I'm going to see them next it's not so final.  I'm not losing anybody.

I think what is the scariest is the finality of it.  I am never coming back to New York to live. (As far as I know.)  Dom isn't even applying to any medical schools in New York, so no matter what it will be at least 5 years.  That is huge to my 23 year old self.  There is so much scary and unknown up ahead and there's no stopping it.

Not that I would want to.  I love Dom to the moon and back, and cannot even fit into works how excited I am to take this next step with him.  I know that no matter what life brings we will have each other and this will just be one of the craziest adventures we have in our life together.   I do not regret this choice for a second...

I just wish everyone I love was coming with me.


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5 comments:

  1. I moved away from my entire family to be with my boyfriend for almost a year before we decided to move back. You will learn SO much about each other and about yourself! =) You will get to explore new places and meet new people and although it will be very hard it will be very rewarding as well.

    And being 23 as well, it's so weird to me to think about really growing up and starting my own life, it's scary but also exciting!

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  2. It is going to be so exciting, and a new journey in your life!

    I am sure you will meet many wonderful new friends, and it will be all the more special when old friends and family come to visit!

    Plus, maybe you'll find a super fab new job that you luv!

    Plus, your going to have a whole new environment to explore and post beautiful pics of!

    Warm weather too yea!

    The only thing constant in life is change.


    Brooke

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  3. When I moved to NY with my husband, my parents and I both cried like babies. When I left NY and went back to Ohio while my husband was deployed, I cried like a baby when I had to come back. I know how you feel :(

    Just remember that home is where your husband (fiancé,boyfriend, all the same) is... You'll love it! True friends and family will always be there for you :)

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  4. Girl! I totally feel you!

    Change is a good thing, but there is something different about change when it consists of moving to a new place, long-term. I had to go through that last year when I moved to Texas with Devin.

    New place. New home. New people. New job. Yeah, it can be scary. But deep down, you know that this move and change is for the best. It's just the goodbyes and the "getting there" part that is scary.

    Trust me, once you get to where you are going, with the one you love...It will all make more sense and just feel better :)

    Can't wait to follow along on your journey!

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  5. These are perfectly normal emotions to have and I'm glad you are able to deal with them before you leave. I married my hubby and we moved 1,000 miles away from home straight from our honeymoon. It does hurt to be so far away sometimes but we've learned to leave room in our budget for me to fly home. Stay strong girlie, and lean on Dom for support. It will strengthen your relationship so much!

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