Unanswered Prayers

A lot of times when I feel like nothing is going as planned I think about the Garth Brooks song, Unanswered Prayers.  It reminds me that just because something isn't going like I want it to doesn't mean my prayers haven't been answered, it just means the answer is no. Or God knows something I don't (no surprises there).

The first time it happened was when my boyfriend broke up with me right when I got to Australia for my study abroad program.  Our relationship had been a spattering of hurt feelings and bad timing over my sophomore year and the beginning of my junior year.  He was crazy about me, I was unsure.   I came around and he got scared and broke it off.  Once I started to move on he came crawling back.  We'd be happy, he'd cheat, and I would be devastated.  Rinse, repeat. Somehow everything was my fault, and I couldn't figure out why I was so inadequate.  He finally dumped me my first week in Sydney because he didn't want to "hold me back," once again making me feel like I hadn't shown him how much I cared.  I prayed and hoped and wished he would wake up and realize the mistake he made and want me back.  My prayers went unanswered.

Then, as most of you already know, a certain someone named Dom invited me to Fiji towards the end of my abroad program and we feel in love.  The real love.  No bad timing, no getting scared and running away, just one crazy ex-girlfriend (but that's a story for another day).  

When I returned to D.C. for my senior year my ex was waiting for me, even though he had already graduated.  He gave me a 5 page typed letter about how I was The One, and he couldn't imagine his life without me.  I told him I'd met someone, he cried.  I never spoke to him again. I realized then that my prayers were answered, God just waited until I knew better before answering.

The second time it happened was yesterday.  MCAT score day.  The day Dom's FSU dreams were put on hold.  His score came in lower than expected, so he withdrew his applications.  Most likely he will have to wait to apply to med schools until next spring, to start classes in 2014.  Naturally, he is devastated and I felt awful.  I had prayed so hard and wished on every 11:11 that his scores would be as good or better than his practice exams. He worked so hard, and it isn't fair.  I was sad, angry and scared about what would happen to both of our career dreams.  But the more I thought about it, the more I think it's just another unanswered prayer, preparing us for what's better.

Even after submitting his primary early decision application to FSU (and recieving a request from them for a secondary), Dom still had the nagging feeling he wanted to go to a D.O. school. (For those who don't know, DO schools are the exact same as medical schools but you also take Osteopathic Medicine classes on top of the regular med school coursework.) He just wanted to get in somewhere, and he figured ED at FSU was the best shot to get in and hear soon.  Now, with the extra year we so dreaded, he can study and take them MCATs again, after having more than 5 weeks since graduation to study.  He can apply at the very beginning of the next cycle to the DO or MD schools he really wants, not just one that could be good.

For me, Florida International University is close to Nova (Dom's top choice DO school) and has a dietetics program I like way better than the program at FSU.  Plus, Dom is willing to move with me to Miami after our year in West Palm Beach so I can get started hopefully next summer, and I might even be finished before he starts medical school.  That would mean we won't have much time when we are both in school, so money won't be as big of a problem.  Even if my program takes longer, there will only be a few months we might be apart, depending on where Dom ends up.

The more I think about it, the more the sadness and panic disappears.  I wish so much that Dom's scores were where he wanted them to be, just because I love him so much and hate when he is upset.  But I really think God was trying to slow us down, and have us really think about what is coming next.  I think our "Plan B" might turn out to be what is best for us.  And no matter what, knowing we have each other and will always be a team is what matters in the end.  We've got each other, so everything will be okay.

This setback just might be a blessing in disguise.