8.09.2013

What is "Home?"

I've had the ideas for this post floating around in my head for a few days, and then yesterday I saw Beth from Hang on, Honey write about almost the same thing.  It made me feel so much better that I'm not the only one who feels this way!

So today, I'm going to write about "home," although I really don't know what that is for me.  The ideas started coming as I was sitting at "home" in our townhouse in Hunker, watching Hot Listings Miami.  Every time they showed a shot of the beach or palm trees, my stomach did a flip.  Then, they showed a house in Delray Beach, my favorite place in Florida, about 20 minutes away from where we lived.  Granted, I am a little over emotional, but I got a little misty thinking about how I would give anything to go home.
 
Then I got to thinking.  This usually happens when I've been alone all day with the only company of a glass or three of vino.  Anywho, how weird is it that what I consider home is somewhere I only lived for 11 months?

Technically, Syracuse, NY should be home.  I guess in a way it is.  It is my hometown and the place I spent the first 18 years of my life.  While I had an amazing childhood, I always knew I had to get out of Syracuse.  It didn't feel right, and it wasn't me.  Even when I moved back to Syracuse for a year before Florida, I was opening an account at Chase Bank and when I gave him my address he said "really?  You don't seem like you're from Syracuse."  I'm still not exactly sure what he meant by that, but I knew I agreed completely.

When it came time to go to college and almost every single one of my friends stayed local and went to Rochester (about an hour and a half away, where Dom went!), I peaced out and headed alone to Washington, D.C.  To this day I still love coming to Syracuse (or Fayetteville, if we're getting technical) for holidays and visits and it always feels good to come back to see everyone, but I really feel no connection to the place.  It might be my hometown, and my parent's house is definitely home, but the city? Not so much.

Then, there's D.C.  The first place I lived on my own, and the place where I really grew up.  Whenever I drove into the city after being away, I saw the monuments and always felt a sense of peace, that this was home.  This was my city.  Over the 4 years I came and went for summers and holidays and some weekends away, but I always felt content when I got back to D.C., where I belonged.  If I could afford it I probably never would have left!  Still, two years later, whenever someone says they're headed to D.C. my stomach flips and I get jealous they're visiting my turf. My home.

People say that home is where the heart is.  So, in a way Hunker is my home, since it's where I live with Dom.  On the flip side, neither Dom nor I feel like our hearts are here.  It's only been a few weeks so that could change, but home for both of us, deep down, is West Palm.  When people ask us where we are from, we automatically say West Palm, the thought to say Syracuse or Glens Falls doesn't cross our minds.  We even joked that for holidays if our families want to see us, they can meet us down there!

So how can we consider a place we lived for less than a year home?
I think it's because we finally found a place that is us.  I feel like "me" when I'm in South Florida.  I love that everything is beautiful.  The buildings are bright, cream, clean and surrounded by palm trees. Even on the stormiest of days, everything is beautiful.  The people there are different.  It's hard to be in a bad mood when the sun is shining constantly.  People are on island time, and everything feels a little more like a vacation.  We might be broke students, but we love that we can drive down to Palm Beach and go tour the yachts.  We love that all year round we can go eat outside at a restaurant and watch the ocean.  I love that when I wear Lilly I get stopped by other people wearing Lilly to talk about our shared love of living a colorful life.

So maybe home really is where the heart is.  I left part of my heart in the house where I grew up, part in D.C., where I really grew up, and most of it in the place where I found myself.

16 comments:

  1. Love this post! After moving to different areas myself and living with my parents as I finish my last few months of school I am feeling the same way, my heart is just not here. The though of moving all by myself freaks me out though! lol I am thinking the same thing, where is my home!?

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  2. I think I only recently started to consider Washington home for me, and we've lived here nearly three years. I went home last week to help my mom after surgery, and it was weird to be in the house I grew up in, after not having been home for nearly three years. It still sort of felt like home, but it felt less like home than Washington does. It was such a weird realization. I think it's kind of normal at our age to feel confused about things like that, or at least that's what I tell myself haha

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  3. Ok totally random since this post is more serious, which by the way I really liked seeing your heart in this. But since first reading your blog last year, I thought it was so cool you're originally from Syracuse. I go to Binghamton University so I have a few friends from Syracuse. Then as I read this, I was shocked to see you write Fayetteville, because that's where my boyfriend & a few friends are from! Anywho, I just wanted to mention that tidbit. I really appreciate you talking about your emotions on the blog the past few posts, you are so genuine and I love reading along! You are so amazing for making this move for Dom and I know you are going to see great things from this decision.

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  4. Aww I just love this post!! So honest!

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  5. GREAT post! Couldn't agree more. While my parents house will always be a type of home, from the moment I moved to the coast, this is my home. And not just because the hubs was/is here and this was his home. This is MY town. I love it so much, and can't imagine living anywhere else. I think it's wonderful you moved for Dom's schooling - and I certainly hope you guys can get back to the Sunshine State after!

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  6. Such a good post girlfriend. I haven't moved around NEARLY as much as you, but I too have similar feelings about where "home" really is at times. The town I grew up in, went to high school in, etc still feels like my home... even though it's been years since I lived there. My parents house now I only lived in for about a year after college, so the town doesn't feel familiar, but their house does. And where Jared and I are now? Sure we've lived here 2 years, but I still feel like a stranger at times in the town he knows like the back of his hand! I don't know the backroads, I don't feel any ties to it.... etc. Growing up is weird- the end. ;)

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  7. I loved this post. I've been feeling the same way. I currently live in the town that I grew up in, but more and more I feel like I don't belong and know it's not where I want to be. I definitely grew up in the town where I went to college and miss that everyday! I'm hoping to "find myself" in a few city in the coming months! It's just kinda scary to bite the bullet when I know I have security here (family, friends, a job)!

    It seems like you and Dom agree that Hunker is temporary and that you can find comfort in the fact that maybe one day you'll return to FLA.

    Have a great weekend! :)

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  8. Love this! I think an essential part of growing up is questioning what home means and discoveringm where you feel at home. I'm definitely still figuring it out...
    xxoo,
    Jordyn

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  9. I SO agree! I wouldn't say that Kansas is "home" although it feels a lot more like home than California did.
    These days we're talking about making a trip back to California for Thanksgiving, and I feel like I HAVE to go, not that I want to. I used to want to go back to visit and now, I just don't. I don't have any interest in going back to our hometown, I'd rather see our family somewhere else! When we were driving to Key West(I am STILL mad at myself I didn't make it a point to try to see/meet you on that trip!) we drove through Tennessee, and we were both like, yes. Yes. This place. So maybe someday that will be home? I don't know.
    What I do know is that after this Thanksgiving trip, I don't anticipate yearly or biyearly trips back to California. I'm planning on coercing the family into taking vacations so we can meet them elsewhere! ;)
    Do you have a countdown for Hunker up yet? My countdown for Brent being done with school in Kansas is 22 months :))

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  10. I have moved around a TON, but have always stayed right within greater Cincy...so for me, that is home.

    Also, can I just say how wonderful this post was? & that picture of you and Dom in your swim gear...cutest. picture. ever.

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  11. I love this post! I can't wait until I find a place that's like home for me. I've moved around a lot since my dad is in the army, and now I feel like I have a home because I don't live with them. I visit them when I have breaks. Such a weird feeling!

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  12. I just got back from a week in Gulf Shores, so I know exactly what you mean about the easygoing way of life down by the beach. I can only imagine living there! I'm glad you found a place to call home, and I think it's really cool that you love it so much. I hope to find someplace like that too.

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  13. Love love LOVE this. When I left Cleveland for college, I always missed home. But when I got back to Oxford, THAT was my home. I hate NY and I will never consider this home. I am SO glad to be getting out of here but I hope I can find that "home" feeling again.

    Luckily this doesn't have to be your "home" forever. Once he's done with school, you can go anywhere your heart desires, right?! Love you girlfriend, chin up!

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  14. Such a good post! I can totally relate. I can also see why you love DC. I live not too far outside of the city and love going there and to Georgetown on day trips.

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  15. love this:) My sister's boyfriend and some of my best friends are from west palm! and i am wanting to move to D.C... where is the best place to live there?!

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  16. Such a great post. For me, home has always been where my heart is - and right now it's where husband is. Its not the place I want to live forever, just for now.
    I loved my visit to DC, such an amazing city.
    We lived in Naples for 9months - was great fun but I could never live there forever

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